The Basic Instructions Before Lovin Eve Page 2
Different Types of Women
As mentioned in the introduction, many homes in the U.S. today are run by single women. This has produced very different types of women as well as men. It has caused women to have a lack of understanding of how to deal with a man as a wife. It has also caused men not to understand what it means to be a man in a relationship. And without the example of a functioning two -parent home, you will need some help in this area. So before a man moves forward with any commitment, he needs to have an understanding of the type of woman he has in his life. Though keep in mind that nothing in life is guaranteed, not understanding your place as a man in any relationship (even with a good woman) can cause it to fail!
“Damaged” women -(women who were physically and/or, mentally abused, abandoned, sexually assaulted by the mother’s friend, step father, or other relatives).
Damaged women usually chase men who are in worse conditions than they are in, or find themselves in relationships with men who use and abuse them. I believe these women seek out guys like this because they know, they have a problem. And as long as they are dealing with someone else’s issues or allowing themselves to be taken advantage of, they do not have to worry about facing their own demons because they are helping someone who they believe is in worse shape than they are. Or perhaps the abuse they received throughout their life has tricked their minds into believing that, this is what love feels like. Dating a man with no issues for this woman means facing her personal demons or hiding them from her man which is usually the case. This is a good guy’s nightmare! As men we are natural protectors and truly believe we can help any woman in distress, by becoming her knight in shining armor (I’ll show her that I will never hurt or abandon her. I will always be there for her and will never allow anyone to bring harm her way! I will be her Knight in Shining Armor that will save her from the ills of the world). This is one of the biggest mistakes that most good young men make when dealing with this type of woman. Anyone who goes through those types of abuses is damaged, and must recognize it so they can get help to move on with their lives. So it’s very important to listen to what a woman tells you about her past. If she has been abused listen to how she has overcome or dealt with those issues! Why! Because hurt people hurt people and; if she has not dealt with those issues yet, then you are putting yourself right into her cross hairs! As a young man, you may be up for this challenge, but, when you become older, you will than realize that the risk was not worth the experience because there will certainly be no reward! You can provide stability and support, but this comes only after she has recognized she needs help. My opinion is I would not get involved with this type of woman until after she has received the help she needs. In defense of these women, I will say this: I have personally known at least 3 ladies who have been sexually abused by their mother, male friend or step-father. This is consistent with the 2010 studies by David Finkelhor, director of the “Crimes Against Children Research Center”, which show that. 1 out of 5 girls and 1 out of 20 boys are victims of sexual abuse (these are only the cases that have been reported). What’s just as shocking is that each one of the 3 women I spoke with, their mothers blamed them for their abuse! Somehow their mothers felt that it was something their daughters did to attract their husband/male friends to them sexually. After hearing this, I could see how that type of rejection or lack of compassion/protection from the one person you felt should be in your corner would make a woman feel worthless. I hope what was said helps you understand why these women must seek help before considering a meaningful relationship. Only she can save herself from her past, not you!
Women raised by single women-(raised by single mothers)
Women raised by single mothers learn one thing from their mothers, and that’s how to be a single mother, not a loving wife! This type of woman knows how to be independent, but lacks the understanding of what it takes to be in a live-in relationship with a man. This is not good! Why? This type of woman lacks the experience of having a loving father or other positive male figures, (Uncle, Older brother, -or Step Father) in her life. Without a male present in the lives of these women, it would be very difficult for them to understand a man’s ways beyond sex. Growing up with a father figure in the household is what prepares a woman for what she can expect from her man. Without this experience it can be very difficult to know what she really wants or needs in a guy. This can cause her to chase bad boys most of her young adult life, or destroy a relationship with a good man to chase a fantasy with a bad boy only to regret her decision years later. So, it’s very important for a woman to experience unconditional love first from a positive male figure before she engages in sex (with her husband (ideally) or male friend)! When a woman experiences sex first before unconditional love, many tend to follow their single mother’s example on how to relate to men, which is mostly through sex fueled by the emotions of being in love. This emotional fantasy of being in love is what drives this type of woman. When in love, she pushes you to marry her or get pregnant to pressure you to marry her (you do). Within five years or more she becomes bored with the marriage (she pushed for) so she starts attracting the attention or give into sexual invitations from other men, she begins a sexual relationship with one of these men, she fall in love with him, she becomes very cold and very argumentative in her current marriage, And then she blames her husband for the problems in the marriage (although she created them). There’s nothing the husband can do at this point to save his marriage! She then leaves or creates a problem (an argument that is personal or physical that pushes her husband over the edge) so she can be so called “justified” in leaving the marriage. All so she can begin a new fantasy of being in love all over again. This unconscious act by this type of woman can cause her to push every good man out of her life in exchange for an emotional high! It’s not until after giving birth to a son that most women finally experience unconditional love from a male! This causes them to do everything for their sons that they would never considered doing for their husbands like (cooking for him, cleaning after him, supporting him, defending him, etc.). The saying that “Women raise their daughters and love their sons” is very true!
For this type of woman, this also means that she will end her marriage or relationship with her son’s father if she feels he is being too hard on him! No positive male present in a woman’s life, means not having an understanding of her man’s place in their relationship. For this reason she tends to treat her relationship with her man about the same way she does with her mother. This can cause her to always challenge her man, and allow her mother or girlfriends to give bad advice on their relationship. Although many relationships between mothers and their daughters are very loving, there can also be some competitiveness, and sometimes the mother can become very jealous of the daughter especially if she has a loving, caring man in her life and the mother does not! This can cause the mother to try and ruin her daughter’s relationship with the husband. Women head many homes today in the U.S., so there is a very good chance this is the type of woman you will meet. For this reason it’s very important to ask this type of woman what it means to be a wife. Her answer (if any) should let you know if she is ready to be a wife or just trying to a bride.
Women raised in a functional two -parent home
A woman raised in a functional two -parent home means simply this: she understand what it is to be a wife! Does this mean that if you find a woman like this, you will never get divorced? Absolutely not! It just means that she understands a man’s place in a marriage as well as her own. She is capable of the same acts as the second type of woman discussed but may not act on them because she understands what it can do to her family. This type of woman understands the realities of marriage, unlike those raised by single mothers, who only see the fantasy of being a bride. Look, all women fantasize, as I said earlier. The difference is; this type of woman understands that being a bride is one thing, being a wife/mother is quite another! Women coming from a stable two -parent home want their children to have
the same experience they had as a child. So what can become boring to some women (family outings, get-togethers, children events, etc.) are family traditions to this type of woman. Look, though there’s much good to be said about this type of woman, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage or perfect anything! As mentioned in the introduction 3 out of 10 men are raising children were they are not the biological father. More than likely, those 3 guys are in loving relationships with this type of woman! No human (man or woman) is above temptation. However, this type of woman does understand the importance of her marriage, and will rarely leave her husband/family in pursuit of a fantasy. With that being said, if you’re going to walk down that aisle someday, at least choose a woman who has an understanding of what marriage life is like. Or a woman who has done enough research to know what it takes to be a wife beyond her wedding day.
Women raised by a single father – (who was raised by a single mother)
Most young men who are reading this book may someday (unfortunately) fall under this title. As mentioned in the introduction, men raised by single mothers can lack the understanding of the 5 basic principles of manhood. For this reason, this type of women may be getting mixed messages of what a real man is, his role in her life, and the stability/balance that brings. A study done by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and National Center for Health Statistics, shows that women raised in a two -parent home or by single fathers are less likely to be teenage mothers, drop -outs, promiscuous, or experience poverty ( “Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality”. Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.). That’s great! But the problem with this type of woman is her father! Yes, single men raised by single women tend to make the mistake of teaching their daughters the same things taught to their single mothers (that she does not need a man and should never depend on a man to take care of her). Which can be confusing, to the daughter because her father is a man and is doing exactly that! This can cause her to become a daddy’s girl which can make her feel that there is no man out there as good as dear old dad! Which is not bad when she’s a little girl growing up but when she becomes a woman this can cause problems in her relationship with her man. Her father has seen his own mother run the household without a man (or a consistent one) in her life. As a young man he hears all the horrible stories told by his aunts or mothers friends about what some man has done to them. As a father, all he naturally wants is to protect his daughter from these horrible men he heard about growing up. His actions teach her to be overly independent and distrusting of all men except him. This causes her (and the first 2 types of women mentioned) to treat her man more like a roommate than a husband, relying only on her father for things she feels are a man’s responsibility! This can have a serious impact on the man in her life, especially if he’s very responsible. Example: whenever her man tries to do something and he doesn’t get it right on the first, second, or third try, she goes running to dear old dad instead of trusting that her husband will figure it out. As men we need to feel needed in a relationship! And there’s nothing wrong with a wife’s father using his life experience to help his son-in-law solve a problem, I think that’s great! But when the father comes in with the attitude that he is a better man than his daughter’s husband, that’s a problem! This can cause an argument between the father and husband that will put the wife right in the middle. This type of woman can be broken out of this spoiled mind set. How? By standing your ground with your wife and her father! So before you make any attempt to marry this type of woman, you will have to respectfully approach her father in a way that lets him know that you are there to take care of his daughter the same as he has. And as long as you are sincere, you will gain his respect as well as his trust! Doing this will improve your relationship with her father, which will naturally improve your relations with her. But you must make it very clear to this type of woman. There is only one man in this relationship, and that man is you!
Women raised by a single father – (who had both parents in the home)
When it comes to learning how to live with a man, women raised by this type of man will have just about the same experience as women raised by two parents. Like the women raised in a functioning two -parent home, this type has experienced unconditional love first, and has learned the ways of a good man. What does that mean? It means that unlike the first two types of women mentioned, she has experience living with a good man and therefore understands how we are. For example, she knows men are natural protectors of the home, so when her man raises his voice about something she’s about to do or has done, she understands that he sees some problem or potential danger involved that could harm her, the home, or both. She does not mistake his action as being aggressive, abusive behavior towards her. She may view it as being a little over- protective at times, but not abusive. As a child she has learned from her father that, just because a man is questioning what she is wearing does not mean he’s trying to control her; growing up her father has explained to her how men tend to judge women based on what they see. So naturally her father always makes sure she is seen as a decent woman. So if her man questions what she wears, she knows that he’s just concerned about how her image will be judged by other people (especially other men). Not that he’s some warden who’s trying to control every minute of every second of her life.
She also understands that her man sees money as security to the home. This is an issue that most women raised by single mothers simply do not get. A man who is concerned about the finances of the house is a man who is concerned about the security of his home! Because a responsible father raised her, she will understand this about men whether she has a job or is a home maker. She will not put the security of the home at risk. She known’s when a man is setting alone by himself he’s not ignoring her. She understand that men need there quite space where they can take time to think or just relax. This is something she has experience as a child with her father. But for those women who has not experience this growing up; it can drive them crazy. She also understands that a good man brings more than just money to a relationship he brings stability and guidance. Unlike women raised by men who were raised by single mothers, she has learned how to gain and keep the respect of a man from the relationship she has with her father and not to distrust men! Again this woman’s experience will be very similar to the third type of woman mentioned, but it’s very important for the father to make sure she has a balanced life so she won’t take on too much of his personality. This means spending quality time with her mother, aunts, older sister, or female cousins. Not only will this help groom her as a woman, it will also allow her to see the type of men the women around her are dating in comparison to her father. These are just a few examples of what this type of woman understands about men. ¾Now you understand why it is important for men to choose women who have experienced living with a responsible man or a woman who has chosen to learn the ways of a good man.
The 52 Fake Out
Although this expression (52 fake out) has quite a few explanations; for this book, it will be used to -explain the tricks some women do to get a good man to marry them.
When they say a wedding day is the bride –to- be (her) day, that’s exactly what it means. This is the ultimate fantasy come true for most women; where they can become their perfect selves for the entire world to see. When a woman is trying to get married she is on her absolute best behavior. She will like whatever you like (movies, music, sports, food etc.). You name it, she loves it ¾because that’s what you like, hoping it will draw you in closer to her. Sex is great, and you never seem to disagree about anything. This seems too good to be true -and it is! This is the blue print of the 52 fake out. This game has been played for so long that there’s a saying that goes, “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they don
’t.” So how do you know if she is just trying to become a bride and not your wife? Well, let’s start with first impressions. When you meet a woman for the first time, what you see is what you get! The way she keeps herself, her home, if she cooks, how she handles money, etc… All these things are who she really is. So if she smokes or drinks heavily, never cooks, likes to party all the time, and keeps a messy home, that’s who she is! If her groom –to- be complains about some of her bad habits, she may stop long enough to get herself down the aisle. Any change she makes once she meets her Prince Charming is only temporary. Unless the changes made come by way of her own doing, no matter how well women camouflage themselves in the beginning, their true selves will come out in about six months to a year. That is why most women pressure men to marry them within that time-line. All the changes she will make to draw you into her (emotionally) will slowly fade away after you are married to her. Simply put, the time it takes for you to marry her will determine (in most cases) how long this perfect woman will be around; before the real missus shows up! By then most men will be in love with their wives and see these changes in her as mere adjustment to the married life. My friend, you’ve just been Fake Out! Women cannot become that perfect woman unless they know what you are looking for! When a woman is dating or interested in a man, she will do her research on the guy and gather as much -information about him (from basic conversations they have when on a date, from your friends, etc.) so she can become your ideal woman. Yes, fellas, we can talk a little too much about ourselves as to what we like and what we may have! You may think something small like this would not be a problem, but for a good man it can be if he wants to avoid gold -diggers! So don’t be so quick to brag about yourself. Ask questions that allow her to do most of the talking. Why? Because it allows you to get to know what type of women she is, and it will draw her in closer to you as mentioned earlier. This will help you determine, as the relationship deepens, if she is ready to be a wife or a bride. How exactly? Well, when a woman is preparing to be a wife, you will notice a few things. She will like you for who you are, and she will be honest about herself. This is something most women will not do when dating a man they see as someone they want to marry. They hide their bad habits in fear that they may push a good man away. So they become whatever they feel will draw the men into them emotionally to prevent them from seeing their true selves. A woman who is honest with a man in the beginning is giving that man a choice to be with her.